Pro-Life: Next phase

The pro-life group Operation Rescue today announced a new policy to further the principles set forth in the bible against the “spilling of seed.” The group has begun collecting the email and IP addresses of U.S. males to monitor their access to pornographic sites, and will send “chastity squads” to the homes of anyone suspected of touching themselves.

“Life is sacred,” announced spokeswoman Marilyn Chambers, “and any males who m@$turb@te are killing thousands of their own potential offspring. It is our duty to protect these unborn babies.” The board of directors was split, along gender lines, on this new policy. Rod Stout, one of the board members protested that “spermatozoa are not yet a fully functioning human being.” The majority felt, however, that “life begins in the scrotum” and see an eventual prohibition on any man pleasuring himself without  “taking all steps necessary to ensure impregnation.”

Operation Rescue, at the same time, annouced a fundraising campaign for the computer equipment that will be required to house the “Spilt Seed” database of male voyeurs. It’s estimated they will required 660 terabytes of storage capacity for the expected deluge of offenders.

~ by christianliberal on June 1, 2009.